Happy Birthday Mom

Today is my mother's birthday. She would have been 69. She died this past September. I forgot that it was her birthday until I wrote the date on a note at work just after midnight. I am an OB/GYN and was working overnight from the 7th to the 8th. Three healthy babies were born this morning and they all share their birthday with my mother.

I loved my mother and now I miss her terribly. There is a huge hole in my life that used to be occupied by her. There are no more phone calls or visits. There is no more criticism. There is no more connection to the city in which we lived together. I still cannot believe that she is gone. I still cannot bring myself to delete her number from my cell phone.

My mother was complicated and so was our relationship. She suffered from bipolar disorder and I believe that was a big part of her personality. That could make it difficult to be around her, it blurred boundaries and often made her act inappropriately. It spurred hour long converstions with my brother and best friend complaining about what she said-did-didn't do.

But she was still my mother and I loved her. And even though she never said it, I know she loved me. And with each birth and new beginning I witnessed this morning I know that life goes on and is worthwhile.

Happy Birthday Mom