Life with a preschooler and toddler twins has been challenging and amazing. I have forgotten the twins first year of life, probably on purpose. I have found myself feeling guilty, as I lay awake at night (even when I’m exhausted). I think about all the yelling I have done. Seeing my kids so frustrated and upset is plain sad. Why can’t they just be happy, I do everything for them? I have dug myself in a negative hole and I want out.
I fear my kids growing up and remembering a loud crazy home. I fear them turning into uncontrollable teens that get in trouble and don’t respect me. We definitely have good weeks and great days filled with laughter, creativity and fun. There is always love. It just seems like some days I run out of energy and strength to enjoy and interact with my kids. I truly don’t want a life like that.
Now I have a new strength. I got it from conversations with dear friends and a parenting book (Parenting with love and logic). I’m going to change things around in this home. I’m going to have more patience, I’m not going to yell, I’m going to set limits and we are going to enjoy life. Amazing how much stronger and energized I feel after some new insight and knowledge. I can do this. I will try. Changes won’t be easy or happen over night but they will happen. I feel relieved to know that I can do things differently. I’m excited.
I believe I am a good mom, but I want to be better. I believe my kids are having a great childhood, but the everyday craziness is unnecessary and need to stop before it takes over. I need to learn and let go, everything doesn’t have to be done my way. My kids want to make decisions of their own, not just what color paper they want to draw on or which pajama they would like to wear to bed. They have to learn to make good decisions to prepare themselves for the future. I’m going to let them think and to learn by their mistakes. I’m not going to do everything for them because they are amazing and capable of doing things (some) for themselves. Imagine how much more time we’ll have left over for happy family time!