I know it was indulgent, but there I was sitting in Studio Be Salon in Old Town as my ten-year-old daughter was getting her highlights dyed blue. Indulgent because it is an unnecessary and over-the-top expense for a ten year old. Indulgent because it makes me feel like a cool mom. And it’s not like a tattoo or a piercing; it will grow out. I am tired of being the good mother and restricting the sugared cereal and the TV time. It is summer and I want to be able to say YES….
I pat myself on the back. I am so cool to break this taboo. It is something that my mom (and mother-in-law) would never approve of. And therefore, it became a little dirty and sinful as if I was rebelling against them. Living vicariously through my daughter I could almost reenact all the crazy things that I wanted to do as a teenager but didn’t have the guts to do for fear of my mother’s disapproving comments.
She sits comfortably in the chair, chatting with the stylist, confident and carefree. When asked if she would like something to drink she says “maybe a glass of water.” How is it that she can enjoy this totally self-indulgent treat while I have not cut or colored my hair since October? I want her to be able to do nice things for herself. To think herself worthy of a full hour of pampering will be a minor victory for me.
In return for my "rebellious" splurge, my ten year old teaches me to say yes to my own needs. She is in love with her mother and helps reverse some of the insecurities I still carry from my own mother’s constant disapproval. She teaches me that I am worthy and beautiful.
No, I will not be dying blue streaks into my hair, but I will get it colored and cover up the gray. Maybe bangs? Maybe some layers? I might even accept a beverage when my stylist offers. Small victories perhaps, but freeing never the less. It is finally time to let go.