Bonk, was the noise I heard when my twin daughter fell off the dining room chair and hit her head on the tile. Then a terrible scream. My mind was blank… I put her diaper-less twin brother down from the changing table and ran to her. After hugs and kisses she was fine. I was worried. Like a hawk I watched her every move for the rest of the day. She seemed perfect. Still when she let out a whimper around midnight I quietly got her from her crib and placed her in the pack-n-play set up in our bedroom. She continued to sleep, I didn’t. I spent most of the night listening to her soft breathing.
She woke up early, as usual and called “Mama” out into the darkness. I knew she was all right. I was going to pretend I wasn’t there so we could all stay in bed just a little bit longer, much needed for a mom of three like me. Since the twins were born I have lived a life of total routine, how else would I get through the day? Unlike my preschooler the twins had to learn how to fall asleep on their own at 6 weeks old. Going from just one child to three overnight it’s been hard to spend, in my mind, enough time with each one. I laid there, listening to her babbles in the dark, when I realized something… An opportunity was presented that hasn’t happened since my preschooler was two, since before the twins were born.
So I said, “Good morning love,” and she reached for me. She hasn’t spent a morning on my pillow before, but she embraced the idea and was extremely happy to be there. She snuggled and chatted, giggled and patted us on our faces. I got to smell her hair and hold her tight. I got to absorb just her. I remembered now. I remembered this feeling of warm snuggly love. It’s like butterflies in my tummy. None of the daily stresses exist; it’s only about you and your child. Sure we all have lots of loving moments throughout the day, but this is different. She got the chance to be the only one that mattered here and now. I could tell she felt special, she was so happy. I remember these morning snuggles with my toddler and I felt happy and sad at the same time. Sad that routines and survival had taken over, my children are young and still I had forgotten to make time for these moments. Sad that I had forgotten how this feels and how important it is to the child and me. Happy that I got a chance to remember now, before it’s too late.
We spent the next 30 minutes holding her, watching her and we received lots of kisses. She eventually said, “Out,” and it was time to start the day. I had a morning I will treasure forever. Now I will make it routine to do this more often.