Monday, July 26, 2010

YES mom NO mom

As you all have heard before, I want to be the mom to say YES. I want to be cool and fun. I want my kids to like me. Don’t we all. But alas, this is not the way it has to be…

I have an iPhone. AND as one of the “urban Amish” (a term I stole from Peggy but perfectly describes me as well), it is underused. By me. For me, it is a phone, and a way to check e-mail, and texts, but Apps are not my thing. I do have a few to be sure, a movie clock, a pregnancy wheel, etc. but not pages and pages of them.

One of my biggest “YES” mistakes was to let my 10-year-old daughter “buy” some free games. Now when we drive around she drains my battery playing silly games with names like Jelly car.

Yesterday after coming back from a run, she was waiting for me outside. I felt happy that she had missed me and was excited to see me back. It turned out that what she really wanted was to buy a game for my phone that cost $10.00. “NO” was my immediate answer and my reward was that pouty sulky face that makes me feel like I am the meanest worst mother in the whole entire world. This really pissed me off. Not only did it ruin my endorphin high, but also I realized that I should have just been strong enough to not have ever let her use my phone in the first place.

I told her that I was really disappointed in her attitude especially since I have been so generous with my phone and that that could change at any moment in time if she didn’t change her attitude. And then I said ”sorry mommy” to which she said “sorry mommy” in that somewhat insincere and mocking voice and then I made a forced smile showing all my teeth and then she did too and walked away.

Needless to say, her adolescence has officially started in my mind and I should probably get a prescription for Xanax at my next check up. I am also going to have to say “NO” more frequently and more easily and without the nagging guilt that comes with it. Next time, the “NO” may be more important.

2 comments: said...

Just say NO. That is my motto! Well, I have those moments in the grocery store when I don't, but you are right! Not enough NO's now will lead to a lot more pain later! lol. Break her in when the breaking is still good!


Kristina said...

You are not mean for saying NO - too much YES and kids will feel like they're entitled to whatever they want, whining if the world doesn't comply. Say NO without guilt - you're teaching character qualities like patience, creativity, unselfishness, gratitude, etc. Kids don't "need" half of what they think they do to be happy. If she's unhappy with your answer, that's her choice and not your fault. It isn't your responsibility to make her happy all the time either. Sorry I hope it doesn't sound like I'm ranting. I try to say YES to my kids a lot too. I totally support your effort to be more firm with your parenting - it will pay off.

By the way, I will be happy and excited to see you at the next meeting! I just need to borrow your phone..